Scaredy Cat

8.12.2010

Do you ever get scared?

I'm not talking about a bump in the night, monsters under the bed kind of scared. I'm talking about fear of the unknown or of the possibilities you don't want to imagine. I know that as a child of God, the unknown should never effect me. I know that He is my provider and my protector. But often times, I allow the world to get in my head and I worry.  I worry that after this project ends in a matter of months that I won't be able to find a new job. I worry that someway, somehow, when Andrew and I try to start our family, we won't be able to. I worry about things that I know aren't in my hands and that I never had control over in the first place. I know that, yet I still worry. I pray about it constantly, and I try so hard to shut up the world and the enemy. And other days are easier than some. But it is my resounding struggle day in and day out.

I realize that I'm being unbelievably open and honest, but it's been on my heart to write about it. I know that the Lord is going to do what is best, and what His will is.

I know that...but....

The OCD tendencies I have can sometimes be too much and I want to grip on to something that I for some reason thought I had control over in the first place. NEWSFLASH-- I never had control over them.

Everyday I'm learning a little bit more about how true that is and I honestly believe that the Lord is revealing to me {as He often does}, that all I have to do, is lay it down and He'll handle it.

Besides, who am I to question?

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