Being More Than Ordinary

7.30.2014

When you're kid, you form an idea or picture of what you believe it will be like to be an "adult" or how you think your life will play out.

If your picture is still standing strong, kudos.  If it's a little, or a lot, different than you had once imagined, welcome to the club.  I used to think curve balls and detours made life harder and by default, hated them. Now? I believe they make life interesting and offer possibilities that may have otherwise gone unnoticed, and have begrudgingly developed respect for them.

I've discovered I am a person that needs structure, but can't embrace it.  In the same breath, the idea of multiple possibilities is slightly terrifying.  I'm a walking conundrum.  I am, by most measures, an ordinary person, and for the most part, this doesn't bother me.  But, at some point, I have to choose to not settle for ordinary. 

Now, let me be clear; I have no misplaced dreams, or skills, to become the next technological trailblazer or a 104 time Grammy winner, but lately, I have had a growing desire to make a difference.  I can't change the world and truly don't think it's a burden I could shoulder; what I want is to make a impact that's more than fleeting.  And with that desire comes a feeling of restlessness and being unsettled.  I have no idea what this next season of my/our life is going to bring, but I do know both of us need to be ready to be pulled farther out of our comfort zone than we have ever ventured.

For as long as I can remember, I have believed that 30 is the age in which you're supposed to be an adult. You know, have your life all together and figured out the next 50 years. Seriously. However, now that I'm fast approaching the final year of my 20's (2 months, people!), I can say with confidence I no longer believe that.  I have no idea what I want to do or be when I "grow up."  In some ways, that's a scary realization, but it's also somewhat liberating because I'm learning just how little I am in control.  I know that what happens in my life and when it happens is totally in God's hands (Ecclesiastes 3:1), which, if I'm being honest, is equally scary and liberating.

The past few days have been a time of learning, and for lack of better word, examination of myself and life, and as with any learning experience, small amounts of bitterness and anger worked there way in.  And though there are many things I am not good at, being unhappy is at the top of the list.  It's exhausting and I just don't like it, so I am choosing to put my energy towards something more than feeling angry because I am one of those annoying people who truly believe something beautiful can come out of every situation.  Happiness, is not found nor is it given; it's a choice and it's one each of us gets to make every day.

My could-be-best-friend-if we-ever-met, Taylor Swift, says it perfectly "You don't find happiness from living your life looking ahead or back...you find it when you look around."

Life is notoriously known for it's constant fluctuations.  No two moments are the same and if you don't fight to see those moments as they truly are, you stand to risk missing the blessings.  I've stood still long enough. I've been anything but fearless for too long.  There is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that where God is taking me and Andrew won't be difficult and trying.  And despite the age old saying, I know there will be moments that will be way more than we can handle.

But, because of His grace, we will be given enough to make it through.  All we have to do is trust.

::For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 
which God prepared in advance for us to do::
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
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